Five Common Misconceptions About Asexuality

International Asexuality Day (IAD) takes place on April 6th each year, and though 2025’s date just occurred, it’s still the perfect time to celebrate all things ace (a common shorthand for asexual people that will be used interchangeably throughout this piece). 

Many of you may be wondering: What is IAD? What is its purpose? Good question! Essentially, it’s a day dedicated to raising awareness for the ace and ace-adjacent community. According to the day’s official website, its four themes are advocacy, celebration, education, and solidarity. Both aces and allies alike attend events, donate to organizations, post on social media, or even just educate themselves more. If you’re reading this, you’re already participating! Who cares if it’s not the exact day? 

Why is April 6th necessary? Among many other reasons, such as actual discrimination, asexuality is severely misunderstood by many. Even those who consider themselves allies––and actual aces!––may have a myriad of misconceptions about what it actually means. Today, I want to shine a light on a few of these common misconceptions, which I hope will lead to greater understanding, empathy, and education for everyone.

All asexuals are celibate.

False. Asexual simply means a lack of sexual attraction, not sexual action. Some asexual people enjoy having sex, while others may not enjoy it but will do it to please their partners. Some aces won’t engage in sex at all. The ace experience is as diverse as the number of people who identify as such (roughly 1% of the population––likely over 80 million people!), which leads me to the next common misconception…

All asexuals experience zero sexual attraction.

Nope. Asexuality is a vast spectrum that encompasses more than just “asexual.” It includes demisexuals (people who only experience attraction after forming a strong emotional bond), gray-asexuals (people who rarely, but occasionally do, experience attraction), and many more. It is certainly not all or nothing.

Asexual equals aromantic.

*Violently presses the incorrect buzzer.* Sexual and romantic attraction are two completely different things, contrary to what society tends to tell us. You can be ace, or on the ace spectrum, and still desire a romantic relationship. You can date, fall in love, and get married, just like allosexual people (the opposite of asexual). Yes, some aces are also aromantic––they may not desire any of this––but many are not.

Asexuality isn’t a real sexual orientation.

This comes from the belief that sexual attraction is inherently normal, inherently human, and that anyone who doesn’t experience it has a lack of an orientation. Wrong! It’s a real orientation. Not experiencing sexual attraction does not mean you are “lacking” in any way––it just means you experience the world differently from those who do.

Asexuals aren’t part of the LGBTQ+ community, and never will be.

Okay, this one tends to be a bit contentious, even among aces. If you’re still romantically attracted to the opposite gender––in other words, are heteroromantic––aren’t you technically straight? From the research I’ve done, not really. “Straight” generally means both romantically and sexually attracted to the opposite gender. LGBTQ+ generally refers to anyone who isn’t heterosexual. Therefore, I contend that aces are inherently part of the community. Also, many use the acronym LGBTQIA––it doesn’t stand for “ally.”

Asexuality is still relatively misunderstood by many people, and I believe something to remedy that would be more ace representation in the media. For instance, when Todd Chavez, one of the main characters from the animated Netflix series Bojack Horseman (I can’t express how much I love him) came out as asexual in Season 4, it was the first time many people had even heard the term asexual. His self-discovery and subsequent coming out resonated with so many people, especially those who hadn’t previously been able to verbalize their own experiences with sexuality. This is why representation matters.

So, to aces and allies alike, happy (belated) International Asexuality Day. No matter how you experience sexuality, you don’t have to prove yourself to anyone. As asexual activist Angela Chen says in her book Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex:

“The ace world is not an obligation. Nobody needs to identify, nobody is trapped, nobody needs to stay forever and pledge allegiance. The words are gifts. If you know which terms to search, you know how to find others who might have something to teach.”